Updated: Aug 6
Sexual pleasure comes in different means that we might (or might not) expect, and there are different ways through which we achieve the goal of making a pleasurable experience. While some people like their pleasure to be controlled, others want to be a dominant person in a dom-sub relationship. If your fall in the latter category, then here are some tips to help you know how to be a dom.
Love the idea of BDSM
Dominance, slave, bondage, submissive, etc. are all terms used in BDSM. You cannot aim to be a dom without first knowing what BDSM entails, and having a passion for the art in itself. Many people find BDSM repulsive and extreme on all levels; hence, they wouldn't want to indulge in it. As a dominant person, you should understand the slave's passion and equally give enough of yours to please them.
Make a research on the role
To venture into something new, you should first find out the basics about it. While you already have a general overview of BDSM, bondage, and the likes, there is a need to have intrinsic knowledge about it. It might help if you talk to a dominant mentor and attend some private shows or fetish conventions where you can get a first-hand experience. There are many skills and protocols that you must learn to become a successful dominatrix if you make the right research.
Familiarize with all your accessories
As a dominant person, one of your major features is your tools, how you own them and wield them. You must invest in your accessories and get to know how well to handle them. Understand the use of each tool and its effect on the human body. You might want to try out some of these tools on yourself to understand the sensation that your sub gets when you use them.
This way, you'll know the right amount of pleasure you're giving out or when you must have exceeded your boundaries. If you find it difficult getting all of your tools at a go, you can try to improvise with your readily available materials as you practice. For example, using your tie or belt as binds for the hands and legs, using some pegs as nipple clamps, etc.
Practice being a dom in other aspects of your life
If you want to be a dom in the bedroom for pleasure or professionally for money and you're not sure how to begin, start by practicing with your normal life. Often, people exhibit their personalities outside the bedroom in bed when it comes to sex. You could begin by taking leadership roles in your place of work or daring to lead your friends on an adventure.
Confidence is key if you want to be a dom. Remember you expect your sub to bow to your command and respond the way you want them to respond. Hence, you cannot exhibit a lack of confidence and command this respect at the same time. You must first be a master of your fears before you can wield your whips with confidence.
Understand body language
Be a dom is to understand the human body and the signals it produces. Knowing the most sensitive parts of your sub and how they respond to pain and pleasure is a very essential skill. For example, you should know what a hardened nipple means when a flogger collides with it.
Keep communication open
It takes a lot of courage for someone to trust you with their body. However, it is advisable to keep communication open at all times. Ask your sub if they are okay with whatever you are doing to their body and if they would like you to keep doing it. Sometimes, you might get carried away in your ecstasy or just want to test the limits of your sub. At this point, ensure that you have a safe word and adhere strictly whenever it is used.
Look the part
If you're looking to be a dom, you must as well look the part. Doms are often considered as overlords over a person's body and they depict a sexy dangerous vibe. You might want to consider clothes with darker colors than the bright ones, more of boots and leather. Either way, you can be creative about your looks.
Take consent seriously
Consent is everything in a sub-dom relationship because the features of this kind of activity depict torture, pain, and pleasure. Getting full consent means that your sub fully understands what is involved, the kinds of activities you both agree to carry out, and the effects of carrying them out. Often, there are written documents that require the signature of both parties involved to avoid scenarios of accusations of abuse.
The role of dominance in BDSM is quite a heavy one that requires you to take care of your sub and command their desire. These tips would guide you on your quest whether you wish to be dominant in your relationship or professionally.
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