Dating a trans woman or transgender dating is not new in this modern world. Before now, many people have held back and refused to be true with their sexual orientation. Thanks to the revolution in the world, many people are now comfortable in their skin.
Dating a trans woman is necessary as everyone needs love.
Considering the harsh situations like harassment and discrimination which trans women often experience, it becomes important to relate better with them. They have crossed the first big bridge of self-revelation - all they need now is the perfect amount of love. Afterall, life is not as fair to them as it is to people who identify as cisgender (gender is same with their biological sex). [Read: How to Come Out as a Transgender]
This content aims to equip you with important things you should know about trans dating and how you can treat the trans woman right. Its goal is to encourage more people to be true to themselves and have no fear of discrimination. In the same vein, it helps to give them the appropriate treatment that any human being deserves.
10 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Trans Woman
How about you learn essential facts about dating a trans woman? Here are top ten things you should keep in mind:
1. Do not make them feel uncomfortable
A mistake many people make is that they are curious and express it in the wrong place. No one enjoys being uncomfortable and the same applies to a trans woman. You may want to know some further details about them and that is fine. However, you must be wise in how you go about it.
Do not ask questions that can make them feel uncomfortable. They will prefer to leave than give you an audience. More so, the first date is not the best time to ask some private questions. You need to make them comfortable around you.
Also, the bedroom is the worst place to ask sexual related questions. You are in the bedroom for a specific purpose - get to it and enjoy the moment. It is easier for them to give more details after your first sexual moment with them.
On the other hand, learn how you can make them comfortable and feel at home. The agenda is to date them and not have just a night stand.
2. The difference between gender and sexuality
Since you cannot speak with them to ask certain questions, one of the most asked questions is the difference between gender and sexuality. Of course, both words have a distinct difference which is as clear as the blue sky. Knowing the difference helps you.
Avoid incorrect assumptions
Have the right valuation of your partner.
Avoid discrimination and stigma of these minority individuals.
Gender refers to the innermost belief people have about themselves. It is a social reality which helps to identify as a man, woman, or/and nonbinary person. Similarly, some people identify as agender, gender nonconforming, genderfluid amongst others.
Sexuality, on the other hand, has several options of orientations. It is defined by who an individual is attracted to. The choices include heterosexual, gay, and bisexual - the commonest. Other orientations can include pansexual and asexual.
So, save your partner unnecessary questions. You already know the major difference between gender and sexuality. Ask other questions about their preferences and interests while they feel loved.
3. Trans Women deserve respect
Just like any woman out there, a trans woman deserves respect. A straight woman is not less of an individual than a trans woman or a bisexual person. You want everyone to feel loved and respected.
The same principle must apply to a trans woman. You must be ready to treat them with respect. The rule here is simple - act towards her the same way you would have acted towards any woman.
Also, you must be ready to listen to her wishes. All women love preferential treatment and she is not different. So, why not? Giving her the respect she desires will make her feel safe and loved around you, even if the world is yet to fully accept her new reality.
4. They are not a secret community
A common misconception many people have about trans women is that they belong to a secret community. Of course, the world has highly criticized them for their choices and given them reasons to doubt themselves. However, the tide has turned and many people are outspoken and ready to embrace their new identity.
Mia Isabella is a top model who identifies as a trans woman. Other top celebrities have followed suit and encouraged younger generations to do the same. So, it is not a secret community as they are humans like everyone.
5. A trans woman stay true to their orientation
This fact is the next misconception people have about trans women dating. People wrongly assume what their sexual orientation is. They think transitioning is because they want straight men to sleep with them. This is merely a myth but has been encouraged in movies too.
There are trans lesbians but an average trans woman will not change her orientation after they have transitioned. They will still be attracted to their fellow women. Based on statistics, a larger percentage of trans women are lesbian or bisexual. This means that they can date either or both men and women.
6. Do not give backhanded compliment
Backhanded compliments are not the best for anyone. However, its impact can be more detrimental on a trans person than a normal person. No matter how nice you think the compliment is, if it is backhanded, do not give it to anyone.
Here is an example of a backhanded compliment:
“I thought you were a true woman. Little did I know you used to be a man but have now transitioned to be a woman. Must be nice.”
This is inappropriate under every lens. They are women and they live their lives as that. Backhanded compliments are not palatable and will only sound terrible and make them question themselves.
Rather, keep quiet and talk about other interests they may have. There are always one million and one topic to speak about.
7. Read more about them from the internet
You may be tempted to want to know more about transitioning. Especially if you are just seeing someone who is confident about their identity, you may become the curious cat and want them to answer all personal questions you have always had.
The truth is that you are dating this trans woman and at this stage, they are already answering a lot of questions from outsiders. Being around you and feeling no difference is not the best space they need to be. You can read more about it on the internet and not ask questions.
Be that space they always want to be in and not the person that pushes them outside instead.
8. An act of kindness saves the day
Being kind to people is always beautiful. However, for a minority group that has experienced criticism, backlash, and stigmatization, an act of kindness will save the day. You must be ready to give them what they want - take them to the movies, serve them their favorite meal, take good pictures of them while reminding them how beautiful they are.
9. Pornography is not a good way to learn about them
Other than the movie industry, pornography has been another entertaining sector that has misrepresented trans women. It is important to know that the porn world is not realistic and some details are not respectfully done.
Data shows that the “shemale” category on Pornhub is the 22nd most searched on the internet. This shows the interest of many people in knowing more about transitioning. However, they are learning from the wrong platform.
Use educational platforms that properly explain transitioning and provide you with a lead on what to expect. Also, there are more transitioned women in the pornography industry because of the discrimination and prejudice they experience when seeking for jobs. Whatever they showcase at this level is only acting and them being professionals at their duty post.
10. Communication is key
Communication is the bedrock of any relationship. It helps two parties to know each other better and know how they can improve their day-to-day interactions. The joy of any person is to have a long term relationship or better put, their partner as their best friend.
Nevertheless, this will only happen by proper communication. You can plan a lot of fun activities with transgender women together but always leave room for constant interaction. It helps to strengthen existing bonds and have better relationships.
How to Date A Trans Woman Successfully?
Dating a trans woman is not as complicated as many people seem to make it. All you have to do is pay attention to this section and you will be on top of your game. It does not matter if you are cisgender and it is your first time of being with a trans. There are some ground rules you should keep in mind:
Be sure about the reason you want to them
Be ready to commit and treat the relationship with pure intentions
Be sensitive and know when to ask some personal questions
Learn to listen to your date
Do not discriminate but get ready to know your partner
Once all these rules are in place, it is easier to abide with how to date a trans woman successfully.
Point One - Choose a location that your date will be comfortable with
Pick a location that your date approves. Top considerations include bar, cafe, restaurant or any place that has all-gender restrooms. It makes it easier for your date to ease themselves and not feel disapproved.
You can ask them if they have favorite places they would love to go. There is a higher chance that they are comfortable with such a place.
Point Two - Be Careful with your pronouns
A bad mistake you can make on your first trans woman date is to use your pronouns wrongly. You are outside with a transgender woman and the use of “she or her” is appropriate enough. A nonbinary prefers “they or them” while a transgender man is cool with “he or him.”
It is possible that you do not know what pronouns you should use for your date. You may want to listen to them to see what they prefer to refer to themselves as. If they do not use any, you can politely ask, “What are your pronouns, please?”
Do not run into conclusion before using a pronoun for them.
Point Three - Open Up to Your Date and know about her too
One of the reasons people go on dates is to know their partner. You want to know what the person does for fun, their aspirations, current work, and other interests they may have. Also, it is not out of place to want to know their kinkiest interest. However, it might be tough at the start because it is your first time with them.
The right way to salvage this is to open up first. Let them know about you. Allow them to express themselves while you pay attention to your common interest. Creating a bucket list may not be a bad idea on a first date.
Point Four - Be a gentleman; it’s your first date
There is no ground rule that says you cannot engage in sexual activities on your first date. You can but with concession from your date. Don’t force anyone into an activity they do not want to be in.
Ask them questions about it. They may have certain ways they prefer their physical interaction. So, you can ask certain questions like:
“Before I proceed, I want to know if you have preferences.”
You can inquire about the body parts they want you to pay attention to. Like normal people, trans people may not want to be touched at certain body parts like their genitals, back, or chest.
Listen to them and use the words they prefer.
Point Five - Apologize when you are wrong
No one is above mistakes and it can happen to you too. Your question might come out wrong and they can get offended easily. There is nothing bad in apologizing and correcting yourself.
The last thing you want to do is to be agonized over it. In as much as you are swift to say sorry, they will understand.
Generally, if you have good etiquette, you will not be seen in the bad light. Your date would have seen you in a different light and would acknowledge you slipped when things are wrong.
Point Six - Give good compliment
You can give your date lovely compliments. Everyone loves to hear good things. So, why not too? It boosts their confidence and helps them feel at ease with you.
Where to Date A Transgender near You?
One may be curious as to where to find trans women near them. This section addresses that challenge as it provides numerous websites about where to date a transgender near you. There are top 3 transgender dating sites to date a trans woman near you we pick out. If you want to know more dating sites for trans women, please read 14 Best Transgender Dating Sites to Find Local Trans Women
1. TSDates
TSDates is known to have more than 90 million active users, there are over 20% transgenders and admires who are looking for love and hookup. It is an online transgender dating site and app that has users across all sexual orientations and genders. Members can connect with other members using different criteria like age, lifestyle, and location.
The algorithm connects users with other compatible users to provide reliable searches. There are a lot of trans people there ready to mingle, go on dates with other members and build a lasting love life with them.
2. AdultFriendFinder
This site is for transgender women that want to hookup. No doubt, it is one the platforms with the largest user base. It boasts of over 100 million users who are ready to express their sexual interest with no worry of judgment.
Interested members cut across different desires - threesome, one-night stand, orgy, or serious affairs. Most members identify as transgender, transvestite, or transexual. Hence, it is the perfect place to find a trans woman that is ready to date and commit to your relationship.
You can know if another user is online. Also, a paid user can include location to their search results to find a trans woman that is near them.
3. FriendFinder-X
How about a site that adores transgender and caters to their needs? Yes, FriendFinder-X remains a top choice. The site does not permit any user to use wrong words for malicious members while members can identify with any sexual orientation they desire.
Most members that are transgender use the option TG, TS, and TV to show what their sexual identity is. Its popularity in the United States and across the world is a reason you should join the platform for transgender women dating.
Conclusion
Dating a trans woman is not different from being with another person. All you have to do is pay attention to their kinkiest interest and provide the companionship they desire. With this content, you should be an expert in transgender women dating.